You don't quite understand the bond that a father and son has until you experience it. It's no wonder why boys who are raised by their mothers have so many problems verses boys raised by their fathers because that bond is something that can't be recreated by anything or anyone else. Judah is beginning that stage where he mimics everything I do and the sounds that I make. You can tell that he is studying so hard because he wants to be like his daddy. It makes me understand why boys have such problems when a father is absent from his life because the example that they are searching for is not there. It also raises the level of accountability in my life so that I can be the best example possible for Judah. Ok, thanks for letting me ramble, here are some pictures and videos. Oh, and he just started walking so take note of how coordinated my boy is and he's not even a year yet.
23 comments:
Paul, Judah is so adorable! Thanks for sharing these videos and pictures.
He looks like a very happy boy and i know you want the best for him. I noticed you mentioned twice in this short post how boys raised without their dads have more trouble. As a sister in the Lord i would love to encourage you to focus more on God's total sufficiency. You can focus on the negative aspects of your situation or you can focus on God's ability and have faith in HIM.
We all have struggles to go through in our lives and we cannot spare our children of all their struggles. So, if you were with him all the time, he would have some other issue to deal with.
God is good!!! Let that be your testimony. Try to be positive and not negative and see how the world changes for you.
Blessings to you!
Jada and the shoemaker family, it would be good for you to read "Bringing up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson. I'm not saying that boys can't turn out well that are raised by their mothers but the truth is boys raised by their mothers have a 76% chance of being incarcerated and boys raised by their fathers have an 11% chance. That is just one of hundreds of statistics between who a child should be raised by. My purpose in saying this is that fathers need to have a vital role in their kids life and if the father is willing should be the one to raise their son. Mothers do a good job raising their boys but they have no experience in showing their boys how to be a man, it is something that the child without a father usually ends up learning on his own.
You are right it would be best for Judah to have a mom and a dad that love each other and live in a happy family but that decision to tear that apart was made without me and regardless of doing everything I could in the world to keep that from happening the decision wasn't mine and now me and my son have to deal with that choice and learn to grow through it.
I know that you guys are friends with Jodi but if you are curious to know why I've commented the way I have then feel free to email me at paulcole@hotmail.com rather than posting it for everyone to read. It's not fair to you guys to be left in the dark.
Dear Paul,
I HAVE read the book. =-)
It also says that as long as there are good male role models it will influence the boy for the better.
I certainly didn't intend to start a riot on here, i simply wanted to point you to Jesus and being a positive person and deal with the situation as it stands. THAT was my main point.
many blessings to you, Paul
I appreciate that Jada, it has been hard for me to see the positive in such a horrible situation but I will work on that. Judah is the one positive and it does get me down when that is threatened as well, but I can only change me and the rest is up to God. Thanks for your response.
Sure!
May God richly bless and keep you as you follow HIM.
(Actually... he started walking in the middle of September, so that's why he's so good at it. Shhh.) ;)
It was really nice of your brothers to come meet Judah! We're still looking forward to seeing the rest of your family whenever they have the time! His first birthday is coming up, so maybe then?
Cute pictures!
I know people are being a little hard on you for your comments but there is a lot of truth in what you say. I had a dad who lived at home but was really raised by my mom and am one of the exceptions. Too many kids (especially boys) are growing up without a father. I also believe God can use any situation for HIS good. Just keep being a good dad and a Godly example to Judah.
Thanks Adrian, that was my point that a fathers role is irreplaceable, and fathers need to take more of a role in their sons life. I applaud mothers who have had to do it on their own and wish they didn't have to do what they were forced to do, but mothers who try and remove a good father out of his sons life are as bad as the fathers who abandoned their families. I'm glad you are a good father Adrian!
Paul,
I don't think some of the people who responded to your post get it. Fatherless sons are a big problem in our country. There are many great, fatherless men, but there are many, many, hidden issues. I agree with you 100%. I never quite knew how I would bond with my son after developing such a bond my daughter, but it is truly something special to see it develop.
DJ
Paul,
You probably don't remember me, but we went to IWU around the same time and I met you in Carmin Hall. I wanted to let you know that I am so sad for your situation and I'm praying for you and encourage you to keep clinging to God for your strength and direction.
God Bless you!
Jen (Slater) Hullah
This is just MY personal opinion, but it seems to me that your energy would be more wisely spent helping me raise Judah to be a healthy, well-adjusted child as opposed to convincing him and everyone around him that he’s doomed to a life of inadequacy…? He's going to need to believe his father is on his side, rooting him on to succeed! If I'm doing that alone I'm afraid it just won't work as well.
I am sad to see this being a bit of an arrow throwing expedition. YES! I DO! get that it is best for fathers to be there with their sons.......NO, really, i GET IT. I understand that was his point. I am not a total idiot and have no idea how you took that i didn't get it by my responses.
In this life we ALL of us have challenges. In my life i have roadblocks thrown at me all the time. I battle daily to fight focusing on the negative and realize that God has a path for all of us. (and more people than not have paths that are not all rosey) As Christians the world is looking at how we handle these difficult situations and the lemons that life throws at us. Are we belly achers who totally take away God's power? Do we act defeated? Or, do we rise above each situation and find that perfect peace that comes when we lay a situation at God's feet.???
Each day i struggle and lose and each day i win this battle. I know it very well. THAT was my point. I was merely trying to help a brother in the Lord focus not on the circumstances, but on God's sufficiency.
What a testimony to HIS perfect name when we do well. I think of the missionaries i've read about who are faced with dire DIRE situations and death and torture. They do not focus on the situation at hand, but on the face of Jesus.
many blessings,
jada
Paul,
As a mother of a son and a daughter I know how hard it can be to raise a child and make sure that they know that both parents are on their side. Judah is so cute and you are always in my prayers. I have read the book and understand the difficulty in raising children either alone or with both parents.
As for everyone else out here "throwing arrows", just try to understand what he is saying and don't judge others for what they say or do. And Jodi he is trying to help you raise Judah. But you have to let him be there as well as letting Judah be with him and be with is family. All involved are in my prayers.
Congrats on Judah walking. Now the fun begins.
Hi Julie -
I have no intention of getting into a "blog war" with people who have never even met me or heard a balanced version of our story, but I would be remiss not to respond since you've addressed me directly! :)
I have watched Paul post false information about visitation for many months, knowing that someday he alone would be held accountable for it. The only reason I am confronting it now is that you have spoken to me specifically.
Paul's entire family (and friends) have been invited to come since the week he born... one year ago. When I asked why no one was coming with him for visits he told me that are busy and would rather wait to spend time with Judah until he lives with them. I was very pleased that his brothers did make the trip in the last couple of weeks, because it will be important for Judah to know that his extended family does care enough about him to make an effort.
Paul actually comes here every other weekend! He spends Fridays and Saturdays with Judah twice a month. Since the day Paul filed for divorce (one year ago), the visitation schedule has been determined by the court. Contrary to what he says here, I have nothing to do with it.
I KNOW that you couldn't possibly have known this, Julie! I appreciate your prayers for our family, and your eagerness to help! :)
Jodi
LOL...I love your spin on things Jodi, so since you have opened the door to talk about it lets talk about it. After months of pleading and begging to be allowed to go to doctors visits or wanting to be apart of ANY part of the pregnancy the answer was ALWAYS NO! I wanted so badly to be apart of that process since the child you were carrying was MINE AS WELL!!! I asked to be there for the first ultra sound, WHICH I FOUND OUT A WEEK LATER THAT YOU HAD ONE DONE AND I FINALLY FOUND OUT FROM ALL MY FRIENDS WHO RECEIVED PICTURES OF MY SON AND WERE ALL ASKING ME WHAT I THOUGHT OF MY BOYS FIRST PICTURES....LOL. I had to find out from my friends!!! Second, I asked to be there when the sex of our child was discovered and low and behold I RECEIVE A TEXT MESSAGE TELLING ME IT'S GOING TO BE A BOY! I even agreed to start meeting with a man from your church to start discussing terms of visitation and being there for the birth and discussing Judahs name. Well let me tell you how the name thing went, you came in and told me that his name will be Judah Mitchell Cole. I said I wanted his middle name to be Micah and you said that I can have Micah as a middle name but you will change his last name to Mitchell, so for my son to have my last name I agreed to his middle name being Mitchell. Does anyone know what Jodi did with his name???? She named him Judah Wesley Mitchell and did this to be EVIL. Lets move on. When it came time for Judah to be born I was told that NO ONE IN MY FAMILY OR ANY OF MY FRIENDS WERE ALLOWED TO BE AT THE HOSPITAL AND COULD NOT SEE HIM FOR A MINIMUM OF 2 WEEKS AFTER HE WAS BORN. So i was going to have to sit there by myself while Jodi's entire family looked at me. That wasn't going to be awkward, but I agreed to it because I was promised that I would be the first one to be able to hold my son after he was born. What happened to that situation??? I found out AGAIN in a text message that he was born and had been born for hours and the birth had been planned for a week!!! To go a step further Jodi unlisted herself from the hospital taking away any opportunity for me to even see his picture online or calling the hospital to find out if he was ok. Instead she sends me a text message saying that when she's ready I can come see my son. Let's talk about that first visit. My parents and I were escorted back to a secure room where we were given strict instructions not to take Judah out of this room and that there would be someone in the room with us GUARDING THE DOOR!!! As we sat in the room my mom and dad started to cry because they were being treated like a prisoner!!! Lets move on to visitation. I was told that I would be allowed to see my son 3 times a week for a half hour at a time and only under Jodi's supervision at her church. NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO COME WITH ME. Oh, I forgot to mention that I would be driving 4 hours each way to see my son for a half hour and my job was supposed to be ok with me missing 3 days out of the week. I thought then it would be best for me to move to Ohio so that I could spend more time with my son, and Jodi's response (I still have the email to prove it was her response) was it doesn't matter if you live across the street, you are not going to be able to see him anymore than I want you to. She said the only thing that would get me more time with my son is if I stay on her good side. NO ONE CAN STAY ON HER GOOD SIDE SO HOW THE HECK WAS I GOING TO GET MORE TIME WITH MY SON!!!
Now Jodi is right about one thing, I did file for divorce, even though Jodi had went and done it 9 months prior in Indiana, after sharing all that Jodi was doing my parents, my counselor, my lawyer, and people in authority over me told me that I had to protect my time with my son and the only way I could do that was to file for divorce. I WAS NOT PLANNING ON OR GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH THE DIVORCE, (AND I'VE EXPLAINED THAT TO JODI MANY TIMES, BUT SHE STILL TRYS TO USE THAT AGAINST ME) I DID IT TO MAKE SURE JODI WASN'T DETERMINING MY TIME WITH MY SON BUT THAT I WAS ACTUALLY GETTING THE TIME I DESERVED AS A FATHER. Guess what!!! TWO WEEKS AFTER I FILED FOR DIVORCE JODI FILED FOR DIVORCE AND REFUSED TO OPEN HER MAIL CLAIMING THAT SHE NEVER SAW DIVORCE PAPERS SO MY DIVORCE WAS NULL AND VOID ANYWAY AND HER DIVORCE WAS THE ONE THAT COUNTED!!! I am so glad that you guys are finally hearing the truth.
And now for the past year I am still fighting for my parenting rights as a father. Jodi has told the courts that I am a narcissist, a sociopath (does everyone know that a sociopath is someone who is poor socially?) How many of you that know me think I'm a sociopath??? Well, it didn't matter because the more that Jodi threw out the more they restricted my time with my son. Starting out I had to drive from Indy to mansfield OH to spend all my time in a room at her church with my son with Jodi standing over me causing problems. After the court removed her for causing problems she still made someone else be in the room with me never allowing me to be alone with my son. From there on the times got more flexible but still always being at the church with Jodi outside standing guard. After she caused so many problems standing guard the courts told her that she wasn't allowed to be anywhere around that church, but did Jodi listen? NOPE! She went ahead and did what she wanted. Finally when I was allowed to take Judah away from the church Jodi would drop him off saying rude things to me and whoever I brought with me. She would even look through all my bags to make sure I had everything she had requested and if I didn't she would try to take Judah saying I can't have him. She tried that once because I was shy one can of formula. Even though Myers was across the street she wouldn't let me leave to go get the formula or she was going to take Judah, she wouldn't let the person with me leave or she was going to take Judah, she wouldn't go get it because lets face it..she's mean. So since I didn't have the can she tried to get the janitor to come and physically rip Judah out of my hands. So I had to call up a friend and they had to leave their job to go to Myers and bring me a can of formula. The stories go on and on.
The truth is Jodi has tried everything to keep my from having a good relationship with my son. Our first court date she tried to get me to SIGN A PAPER SAYING THAT I NEVER HAD A SON ACKNOWLEDGING THAT I WAVE ALL RIGHTS TOO HIM NEVER TO BE INVOLVED WITH HIS LIFE AGAIN, (My cousin Danielle and her husband John were there to witness it)........WHAT KIND OF MOTHER DOES THAT???? She's already taken away his last name trying to disassociate him from me and now she's making claims that I get plenty of time with Judah every other week, when this past weekend was the FIRST time that I have had my son alone!!! I still haven't been able to take him over night. THE ONLY REASON THIS CONTINUES IS BECAUSE OF THE FALSE CLAIMS THAT JODI CONTINUES TO MAKE. She's even told the courts that it's not just me, it's my entire family, that all of us are a bunch of liars and manipulators. She admittedly told me and my sister in law that she didn't want her children ever spending time alone with my mom....WHO IS AN AWESOME MOM AND GRANDMOTHER!!! Jodi has even sent me emails (which I still have) telling me that she doesn't even know why I come to see my son because I only do it for my benefit and not his because he doesn't care less if I'm there or not. Again, what a mom.
I hope some of you see why my family has been so hesitant in coming to see my son because the drama that is caused is unreal and it makes them sick. They have just now started coming because we didn't have to sit as prisoners at the church anymore and we could take him out and spend time with him without her around. I'm not sure if you realize how hard it's been for me to constantly get people to take two days off work every other weeks just so they can come watch me watch my son.
This entire situation makes me sick, and this bitterness is only going to hurt Judah in the long run. Never in a million years would I try to take his mother out of his life because that would be damaging to Judah but Jodi has tried doing that to me with no consideration as to what it will do to Judah. I've cried over this situation and what my son will have to deal with so many times that I truly think I've run out of tears. The situation sucks!!! We all agree to that, so stop saying one thing on my blog or your blog and other people but in real life doing something completely different.
Jodi, I can tell that you love Judah and want the best for him and the best for him is knowing his dad and being able to bond with him, and not just with me but his cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc... PLEASE let me bring him back to Indiana for a weekend. You can't blame it on the courts either because they've already agreed that if it's ok with you then it's ok with them, and don't say he's not old enough to travel since you've taken him out of state several times, (you even brought him to within 10min of my house and purposefully didn't tell me or my family so we couldn't come see him) so please let me have the time with my son so that he can have a good and healthy relationship with his father.
There you have it, folks. This is the point where conversation becomes irrational and the 'stories' inaccurate, so I step away and let him be.
(And Paul, a sociopath is a narcissistic pathological liar... it doesn't have anything to do with poor social skills.)
Enough is enough already! Are we in a full moon or has everyone taken a crazy pill? Some how EVERYONE (yes, you Paul and yes, you Jodi) has lost sight of the fact that the focus in all of this is (should be) JUDAH! It's NOT about who can rally the most friends and family to their side. And it's NOT about who can score the most points (ala fencing or debate) targeting the other. We all know intelligent couples who have divorced but are still able to "grow the habit" of being civil with each other, plan for their child(ren), and attend concerts, games, etc.
You have both squandered the opportunity of the entire first year of Judah's life to work together for the 'common good'. The next opportunity lasts for Judah's lifetime and it's where you learn to put him above yourselves - in word and deed. Please do not make me wretch by saying things like 'yeah, but you don't know what he said', or 'yeah, but you don't know how weird her family is'! That's NOT what it's all about.
Possibly all of the negativity is going right over Judah's head right now, however, even at this tender age he can sense hostility and stress. You need to find a common ground SOON and assure him daily that he will NEVER have to choose between you and that he will ALWAYS have your unconditional love. Jodi, Paul, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends. That's our Christian responsibility to Judah!!!!!
With no apologies - this is what tough love is all about!
Lind, thank you and I appreciate what you've said. I know the truth and that should be good enough. Please pray for the situation.
I just think it is funny how Paul does state the facts (proven by many emails and text messages by Jodi herself) and she left it alone because she knows the truth deep down. I only pray that someday she can come to realize that Judah is better off having both parents/extended families in his life and showing him how you can still get along under the circumstances. Coming from personal experience....be married or not the children do realize when there are problems and I have learned they should always be considered, whether or not it works for you. I will continue to pray...that only God's will be done and he knows what is best...seeing how we will have to answer to him someday sometimes gives us peace about the situations we are dealt with knowing we did his will. Love you Paul...and can't wait to see Judah
Thanks Wilson family. I can't wait for you to meet my son, it should be here very soon.
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